We’re flying to North Carolina bright and early Friday morning to meet Sean, Mary, and Kayla. Wow! On one hand, it felt like this day would never get here and on the other, I can’t believe how fast the last six weeks have gone by. It still amazes me that six weeks ago I had no idea… it’s still a little surreal.
I want to take a minute and thank everyone: friends, family, colleagues, who have – willing or not – taken this journey with me. Your support and shared excitement has made what is already an incredible experience just that much more so. Your words of encouragement whether through email, Facebook, blog comments, phone calls, or in person have been fantastic, I couldn’t ask for a better support network – who needs a therapist… just one small favor to ask - PLEASE send thoughts of good weather out to the universe, looks like tomorrow could be a dicey travel day.
I’d be lying if I told you that it’s been easy to concentrate this week, but it’s not due to nerves. It is sheer excitement. I’m about ready to burst. I was just telling a colleague yesterday that Sean and I have covered the scary topics already, so while I fully expect there will be some surprises, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to discover anything that makes me want to run back to Boston.
Off we go…
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Karma?
I really haven’t looked back since that night Sean “talked me in off the ledge.” I came home the next night to find a dozen beautiful red roses from my Uncle Rick, Aunt Terrie, and Sean. What genuinely nice, thoughtful people. Janet was right when she said, “they just want to love you.”
If you're not a born and bred New Englander, you probably have no idea what a stretch it is to take something like this at face value. In other words, I (yes, I am blaming it on being a New Englander as opposed to just being me) have a tendency to be somewhat suspicious of seemingly fabulous people who appear out of nowhere. If it’s too good to be true then it can’t be, right… ah, maybe not always.
So what have we been doing for the past few weeks? Well, thanks to my ingenious sister-in-law Mary, we’ve been trading bits and pieces of information about each other. We email back and forth and talk on the phone once a week – I think our shortest conversation has been about an hour and a half. The magnitude of the information varies from inconsequential but fun, i.e. favorite foods, colors, and music, to more substantive information such as political and religious views.
Where angels fear to tread – but not really. It’s completely okay that some of our opinions differ… we have great conversations, Sean does a good devil’s advocate, and getting to know each other is really cool. His blog post blew me away - how lucky am I to have a brother like that!
So… Dave and I are flying down to North Carolina on February 26th so that we can start having some of these conversations in person. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am – if in December, you had asked me how I was going to be spending January and February, this wouldn’t have been the answer… it’s nice when Karma throws you a good one…
If you're not a born and bred New Englander, you probably have no idea what a stretch it is to take something like this at face value. In other words, I (yes, I am blaming it on being a New Englander as opposed to just being me) have a tendency to be somewhat suspicious of seemingly fabulous people who appear out of nowhere. If it’s too good to be true then it can’t be, right… ah, maybe not always.
So what have we been doing for the past few weeks? Well, thanks to my ingenious sister-in-law Mary, we’ve been trading bits and pieces of information about each other. We email back and forth and talk on the phone once a week – I think our shortest conversation has been about an hour and a half. The magnitude of the information varies from inconsequential but fun, i.e. favorite foods, colors, and music, to more substantive information such as political and religious views.
Where angels fear to tread – but not really. It’s completely okay that some of our opinions differ… we have great conversations, Sean does a good devil’s advocate, and getting to know each other is really cool. His blog post blew me away - how lucky am I to have a brother like that!
So… Dave and I are flying down to North Carolina on February 26th so that we can start having some of these conversations in person. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am – if in December, you had asked me how I was going to be spending January and February, this wouldn’t have been the answer… it’s nice when Karma throws you a good one…
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Thoughts from my brother...
I must start this off with saying, the things that you do for family. I am 35yrs. old and have fought, (kicking and screaming), the technology highway and/or the world wide web. I do not have a Facebook or a Myspace page, I do not blog or IM, and that is the reason that Mikki has to post this for me as I would not know where to begin.
As you all have learned my new sister and I have just met after 35 years. There is no way of telling this story without getting emotional, and therefore if I ramble then it is probably an emotional part for me.
So bear with me.
I was raised in a family of six (two sisters and four brothers) with three different last names. We always liked to call ourselves the All American Family. My mother married Don who was previously married to Mikki’s mother. In February 1974, Don passed away from a cerebral hemorrhage in Union City, Pa. My mother was left with three children to support and was pregnant with me. In August 1974 she gave birth to me, and two long, hard years later she met and married a wonderful man John whom I have been blessed to call Dad.
Since I was old enough to remember my mother and father never denied me the knowledge that I had another father who died, and another sister. Due to this I grew up with a piece missing that I could never find, or for that matter even understand what it was I was missing. My Mother and Don’s side of the family did not stay in touch for whatever reason and I only knew that I had a sister, an Uncle, and an Aunt out there and their names.
When I was 16 years old our Uncle Rick located and contacted me. For you all on the outside looking in some of the feelings and emotions that Mikki is writing about may seem mean, shallow, or withdrawn. But let me assure you that these are the same feelings and emotions that I felt some 19 years ago.
Like the saying goes “Don’t judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes”. Since we made contact I have had an immense sense of understanding and serenity. (Maybe this is what I was missing?)
After Uncle Rick found me we spent a lot of time together with me traveling to his house and the occasional telephone conversation. I was able to meet my paternal grandmother and step-grandmother during these visits. During my lifetime I can remember writing to the Phil Donahue Show, Geraldo Rivera, Jerry Springer (before he glamorized trash) and several other television programs asking for help in finding Mikki, none of which were ever answered. I believed that I had Mikki’s name and date of birth however now I know I was wrong on the middle name and the year in which she was born.
This past year I conducted a self-assessment of myself and my life. I questioned and did an inventory of myself. I looked at what kind of person I was and what kind of person I wanted to be. I looked at the way that I dealt with things and how I could make myself a better person. One of the things that kept coming to mind was the serenity prayer.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Several things in my life came to mind, one of which was the search for Mikki. Now this is going to sound harsh or mean but remember what I said in the beginning about missing a piece of myself.
I came to the conclusion during this self-assessment that I had devoted a lot of time, energy, and emotions to the search for Mikki. It was something that I had the courage to try and change. I thought that it was a lost cause and that I could focus that energy and time on something else. During this self-assessment, when I made this decision, I obtained a sense of serenity in accepting it as something that I could not change.
I think this came from a fortune cookie “When you look for something you will not find it. Stop looking and it will reveal itself”.
Well that is what happened.
I sent Uncle Rick a link to a new television show where a guy tracks down loved ones as well as several search engines on the internet (*YUCK*) in November or December 2009. On January 16, 2010 I received a call from Uncle Rick who simply said “I found her. I found Mikki.” And due to the emotion in his voice I was not sure in what sense he had found her. Is she alive? Is she alright? How did she take you contacting her? Did you contact her? How did you contact her? The emotions and questions overwhelmed me like a tidal wave. I quickly gathered myself and asked how and where. He explained to me how and that she was living in Mass. and gave me her contact information.
As Mikki has already said my lovely daughter Kayla gave her a replay of exactly how the whole evening played out, but let me give you my version of the story. After I got Mikki’s contact information (i.e. e-mail, phone number) and hung up from speaking to Uncle Rick I told both my wife and daughter what he had just told me. I then excused myself and went into my office and sat. I laughed, I cried, I felt nervous, I felt anxious and a thousand other feelings that I can’t explain. I sat for probably 30-45 minutes mulling over the information that I had waited my entire life for, but was not ready to deal with. Mikki explained that she had a thought of not wanting anything to do with this whole situation and to be honest I felt that way as well; for about three seconds.
The next thing I had to deal with was should I call or e-mail. Now remember what I said about fighting the technology highway. I realize now that I was looking at it as a way out, a way out of being possibly rejected, a way out of being hurt by someone that I didn’t even know. Being the person that I am, I “manned-up” and decided that I would call her. But now I was left thinking once I get her on the phone what in the he&! would I say. It was like calling a girl for the first time to ask her out. Was I a 12-year-old boy or a 35-year-old man? I had to “man-up” again, and I called.
I would be lying to say that it wasn’t awkward because it was. But not like you’d think. For some reason (that sense of serenity that I spoke of earlier) we meshed (can’t think of a better word). The conversation flowed. I can’t remember any occasion of awkward silence that we humans hate occurring. We continually talked for about an hour.
Since that evening I have spent more time on the computer looking for (and receiving) e-mails from Mikki. Laughing and learning about each other, trading tid-bits of information about ourselves, learning that we are alike in a lot of ways. The trading of information was my lovely wife’s idea (brownie points).
Blood is a very unique thing that provides life, we know that, but it also contains things that we do not and cannot understand. Mikki and I have never been around each other but we are a lot alike in mannerisms, thought processing, likes and dislikes. It is truly amazing how much we are alike and I look forward to learning more about this amazing person I am proud to call my sister as we take this journey together.
I can’t wait to learn about her as a little girl growing up, how she and Dave met, her profession, and anything else she is willing to share with me. I can’t wait to share my life and family with her as well.
I would like to close this by saying to all of you, thank you for all of your support and comments for Mikki. She is and will be riding a lot of emotional roller coasters throughout this journey. She will be meeting people that at any other time would have been strangers but are now family. She will be sharing thoughts and feelings concerning this journey so please remember to walk a mile in her shoes.
Mo mhuintir thar gach uile ní
Family above all else
As you all have learned my new sister and I have just met after 35 years. There is no way of telling this story without getting emotional, and therefore if I ramble then it is probably an emotional part for me.
So bear with me.
I was raised in a family of six (two sisters and four brothers) with three different last names. We always liked to call ourselves the All American Family. My mother married Don who was previously married to Mikki’s mother. In February 1974, Don passed away from a cerebral hemorrhage in Union City, Pa. My mother was left with three children to support and was pregnant with me. In August 1974 she gave birth to me, and two long, hard years later she met and married a wonderful man John whom I have been blessed to call Dad.
Since I was old enough to remember my mother and father never denied me the knowledge that I had another father who died, and another sister. Due to this I grew up with a piece missing that I could never find, or for that matter even understand what it was I was missing. My Mother and Don’s side of the family did not stay in touch for whatever reason and I only knew that I had a sister, an Uncle, and an Aunt out there and their names.
When I was 16 years old our Uncle Rick located and contacted me. For you all on the outside looking in some of the feelings and emotions that Mikki is writing about may seem mean, shallow, or withdrawn. But let me assure you that these are the same feelings and emotions that I felt some 19 years ago.
Like the saying goes “Don’t judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes”. Since we made contact I have had an immense sense of understanding and serenity. (Maybe this is what I was missing?)
After Uncle Rick found me we spent a lot of time together with me traveling to his house and the occasional telephone conversation. I was able to meet my paternal grandmother and step-grandmother during these visits. During my lifetime I can remember writing to the Phil Donahue Show, Geraldo Rivera, Jerry Springer (before he glamorized trash) and several other television programs asking for help in finding Mikki, none of which were ever answered. I believed that I had Mikki’s name and date of birth however now I know I was wrong on the middle name and the year in which she was born.
This past year I conducted a self-assessment of myself and my life. I questioned and did an inventory of myself. I looked at what kind of person I was and what kind of person I wanted to be. I looked at the way that I dealt with things and how I could make myself a better person. One of the things that kept coming to mind was the serenity prayer.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Several things in my life came to mind, one of which was the search for Mikki. Now this is going to sound harsh or mean but remember what I said in the beginning about missing a piece of myself.
I came to the conclusion during this self-assessment that I had devoted a lot of time, energy, and emotions to the search for Mikki. It was something that I had the courage to try and change. I thought that it was a lost cause and that I could focus that energy and time on something else. During this self-assessment, when I made this decision, I obtained a sense of serenity in accepting it as something that I could not change.
I think this came from a fortune cookie “When you look for something you will not find it. Stop looking and it will reveal itself”.
Well that is what happened.
I sent Uncle Rick a link to a new television show where a guy tracks down loved ones as well as several search engines on the internet (*YUCK*) in November or December 2009. On January 16, 2010 I received a call from Uncle Rick who simply said “I found her. I found Mikki.” And due to the emotion in his voice I was not sure in what sense he had found her. Is she alive? Is she alright? How did she take you contacting her? Did you contact her? How did you contact her? The emotions and questions overwhelmed me like a tidal wave. I quickly gathered myself and asked how and where. He explained to me how and that she was living in Mass. and gave me her contact information.
As Mikki has already said my lovely daughter Kayla gave her a replay of exactly how the whole evening played out, but let me give you my version of the story. After I got Mikki’s contact information (i.e. e-mail, phone number) and hung up from speaking to Uncle Rick I told both my wife and daughter what he had just told me. I then excused myself and went into my office and sat. I laughed, I cried, I felt nervous, I felt anxious and a thousand other feelings that I can’t explain. I sat for probably 30-45 minutes mulling over the information that I had waited my entire life for, but was not ready to deal with. Mikki explained that she had a thought of not wanting anything to do with this whole situation and to be honest I felt that way as well; for about three seconds.
The next thing I had to deal with was should I call or e-mail. Now remember what I said about fighting the technology highway. I realize now that I was looking at it as a way out, a way out of being possibly rejected, a way out of being hurt by someone that I didn’t even know. Being the person that I am, I “manned-up” and decided that I would call her. But now I was left thinking once I get her on the phone what in the he&! would I say. It was like calling a girl for the first time to ask her out. Was I a 12-year-old boy or a 35-year-old man? I had to “man-up” again, and I called.
I would be lying to say that it wasn’t awkward because it was. But not like you’d think. For some reason (that sense of serenity that I spoke of earlier) we meshed (can’t think of a better word). The conversation flowed. I can’t remember any occasion of awkward silence that we humans hate occurring. We continually talked for about an hour.
Since that evening I have spent more time on the computer looking for (and receiving) e-mails from Mikki. Laughing and learning about each other, trading tid-bits of information about ourselves, learning that we are alike in a lot of ways. The trading of information was my lovely wife’s idea (brownie points).
Blood is a very unique thing that provides life, we know that, but it also contains things that we do not and cannot understand. Mikki and I have never been around each other but we are a lot alike in mannerisms, thought processing, likes and dislikes. It is truly amazing how much we are alike and I look forward to learning more about this amazing person I am proud to call my sister as we take this journey together.
I can’t wait to learn about her as a little girl growing up, how she and Dave met, her profession, and anything else she is willing to share with me. I can’t wait to share my life and family with her as well.
I would like to close this by saying to all of you, thank you for all of your support and comments for Mikki. She is and will be riding a lot of emotional roller coasters throughout this journey. She will be meeting people that at any other time would have been strangers but are now family. She will be sharing thoughts and feelings concerning this journey so please remember to walk a mile in her shoes.
Mo mhuintir thar gach uile ní
Family above all else
What do you do once you’ve been found?
I’m not sure what you’re supposed to do, but clearly, in my case the answer was freak-out. Tuesday was the first day back to work after the weekend of revelations. To say that my co-workers wanted to talk about the events of the weekend would be an understatement. To say that I was a focused, productive worker that Tuesday would be an overstatement. I was completely distracted and it got worse as the day wore on.
Sean went through the same experience I've been having when Uncle Rick found him 19 years ago. He was just sixteen… in retrospect that's probably a good thing, I think that at 16 you adapt a bit more easily than at 47. So I sent the following email to Sean…
“…I'm not being stand-offish... but my head is still spinning a little bit... by that I mean that in the back of my head I've always known that I had a brother out there, but I guess that when you know something like that (from when you were a little kid), it's kind of like knowing (as a little kid) that there is a Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny... and now I feel like I just found out the Easter Bunny is real. It's all good, I'm just processing...
You're my brother and there's so much stuff that I don't know about you... when is your birthday, how old were you when you met Mary, what do you do for fun, what was your childhood like, what do you guys do for vacations, what's your sense of humor like, are we going to like each other, is it going to be weird, will we have anything in common - my mind is racing at about 1,000 miles a minute and has been since Saturday night.
Additionally, this kind of redefines my life a little... I've always thought of myself as an only child, well that's certainly changed... I've always thought I had a moderately sized family; wrong again, it's huge. It's all stuff like that... by now you’ve probably figured out that I'm also a little neurotic (but you would have discovered eventually anyway).
Ok, so that was a lot to throw at you... I hope you don't think I'm a total headcase now…”
To his credit, having been through the same experience at 16, Sean wasn’t horrified by my message at all. He tried to write back but he prefers communicating via phone… he tells me that email has gotten him into trouble before. So he called me Tuesday night and we had SUCH a great talk. We were on the phone for 2 hours. He has a great sense of humor, we have a lot of similar personality traits, and again, it is just so easy to talk to him… it’s really kind of spooky…
Sean and I are extraordinarily lucky to have been presented with this opportunity after all these years...
Sean went through the same experience I've been having when Uncle Rick found him 19 years ago. He was just sixteen… in retrospect that's probably a good thing, I think that at 16 you adapt a bit more easily than at 47. So I sent the following email to Sean…
“…I'm not being stand-offish... but my head is still spinning a little bit... by that I mean that in the back of my head I've always known that I had a brother out there, but I guess that when you know something like that (from when you were a little kid), it's kind of like knowing (as a little kid) that there is a Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny... and now I feel like I just found out the Easter Bunny is real. It's all good, I'm just processing...
You're my brother and there's so much stuff that I don't know about you... when is your birthday, how old were you when you met Mary, what do you do for fun, what was your childhood like, what do you guys do for vacations, what's your sense of humor like, are we going to like each other, is it going to be weird, will we have anything in common - my mind is racing at about 1,000 miles a minute and has been since Saturday night.
Additionally, this kind of redefines my life a little... I've always thought of myself as an only child, well that's certainly changed... I've always thought I had a moderately sized family; wrong again, it's huge. It's all stuff like that... by now you’ve probably figured out that I'm also a little neurotic (but you would have discovered eventually anyway).
Ok, so that was a lot to throw at you... I hope you don't think I'm a total headcase now…”
To his credit, having been through the same experience at 16, Sean wasn’t horrified by my message at all. He tried to write back but he prefers communicating via phone… he tells me that email has gotten him into trouble before. So he called me Tuesday night and we had SUCH a great talk. We were on the phone for 2 hours. He has a great sense of humor, we have a lot of similar personality traits, and again, it is just so easy to talk to him… it’s really kind of spooky…
Sean and I are extraordinarily lucky to have been presented with this opportunity after all these years...
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
January 18th - and I'm still processing...
Thankfully these revelations took place during a long weekend, giving me some time to adjust. Happily Monday was a holiday. My husband Dave had to go to work. This left me with a whole day to do nothing but try to wrap my head around everything (some might call this navel gazing).
Sometime around 10:00 a.m. the phone rang. The caller was my (new to me) cousin C. She is Uncle Rick’s daughter and lives in Georgia. Nice call… we chatted for a little while before she had to go to work. She told me about herself and her family. She was involved in the search with her dad while she was a cop. I’m still kind of blown away at Uncle Rick’s tenacity… never giving up the search as the years rolled by.
Later in the day, my imagination got the better of me. I started thinking about my family – the one that I have known and loved my entire life, and Dave’s family who I have known and loved for the last 16 years and I got a little irritated. I was thinking: “hey – I’ve got a perfectly good family. I don’t need this. I’ve managed pretty well for the last 47 years – what am I supposed to do with this turn of events?”
I’m a fairly methodical person. I like to know what’s going on – all the time. The more I thought about my “new” family the more agitated I became. By the time Dave got home that night I was in a complete lather! At one point I was standing in the kitchen, hands on my hips, saying – “Really Dave, I don’t need this. I have a perfectly good family right here. Now I have a bunch of strangers that I have to deal with – what if I don’t like them, what if they don’t like me, what if…” – and my wonderful husband walked up to me, put his hands on either side of my face and told me to take a couple of deep breaths and that everything would be okay.
As usual, Dave was right…
Sometime around 10:00 a.m. the phone rang. The caller was my (new to me) cousin C. She is Uncle Rick’s daughter and lives in Georgia. Nice call… we chatted for a little while before she had to go to work. She told me about herself and her family. She was involved in the search with her dad while she was a cop. I’m still kind of blown away at Uncle Rick’s tenacity… never giving up the search as the years rolled by.
Later in the day, my imagination got the better of me. I started thinking about my family – the one that I have known and loved my entire life, and Dave’s family who I have known and loved for the last 16 years and I got a little irritated. I was thinking: “hey – I’ve got a perfectly good family. I don’t need this. I’ve managed pretty well for the last 47 years – what am I supposed to do with this turn of events?”
I’m a fairly methodical person. I like to know what’s going on – all the time. The more I thought about my “new” family the more agitated I became. By the time Dave got home that night I was in a complete lather! At one point I was standing in the kitchen, hands on my hips, saying – “Really Dave, I don’t need this. I have a perfectly good family right here. Now I have a bunch of strangers that I have to deal with – what if I don’t like them, what if they don’t like me, what if…” – and my wonderful husband walked up to me, put his hands on either side of my face and told me to take a couple of deep breaths and that everything would be okay.
As usual, Dave was right…
Monday, January 25, 2010
Processing…
In case you’re wondering what my brother (Sean) thinks of all of this – I ran this idea past him before creating the blog and he’s cool with it… and told me that I didn’t have to refer to him as S…
After I got off the phone with Sean Saturday night, I checked my email before going to bed. There was an email with a subject line reading “Welcome”. It was from my cousin Ro, Uncle Rick's son. He welcomed me to the family, told me a little bit about himself and his family, and attached some pictures. At that point, since I was more than a little overwhelmed and no longer capable of a coherent thought I decided to go to bed and write to him in the morning, but not before posting “I have a brother!” as my Facebook status. To say I slept like the dead that night would be an understatement.
I woke up early on Sunday morning and wrote to cousin Ro. I also checked Facebook – my friend Andrea had responded to my post with “huh?!” By way of explanation, I posted the happenings of the day before. Within a couple of hours most of my friends had commented with exclamations of surprise, happiness, and confusion. My friend Gisele summed it all up very succinctly – “Oh my. Wow. Holy sh*t. Jeekers. WTF? Yikes. Cool.” All of those thoughts were running through my head at about 1,000 miles a minute!
I discovered the night before, in speaking with Sean that not only do I have a brother and a horde of cousins, but I also have a sister-in-law (Mary) and a niece (Kayla). I received messages from both Mary and Kayla on Sunday. Mary was very sweet, acknowledging that she was sure that I was overwhelmed and welcoming me to the family. Kayla’s message was great, she talked about how excited she was to have another aunt, and then gave me the play-by-play on what took place at their house the night before as well as some detail on what she likes, what’s important to her, and what she does for fun – she’s a sweetheart!
Feeling more than a little off kilter, I called my cousins (Butch & Mike), who I have always thought of as my brothers (and still do). That was such a good decision; they helped me put things into perspective. When I was talking to Butch I mentioned that I was worried that I might not like this new family, or worse yet, they might not like me. He told me “don’t worry about it Mikki, they’re family, you don’t have to like each other.” Oddly enough, Mike has a friend who has had a similar experience a few months ago.
After I got off the phone with Sean Saturday night, I checked my email before going to bed. There was an email with a subject line reading “Welcome”. It was from my cousin Ro, Uncle Rick's son. He welcomed me to the family, told me a little bit about himself and his family, and attached some pictures. At that point, since I was more than a little overwhelmed and no longer capable of a coherent thought I decided to go to bed and write to him in the morning, but not before posting “I have a brother!” as my Facebook status. To say I slept like the dead that night would be an understatement.
I woke up early on Sunday morning and wrote to cousin Ro. I also checked Facebook – my friend Andrea had responded to my post with “huh?!” By way of explanation, I posted the happenings of the day before. Within a couple of hours most of my friends had commented with exclamations of surprise, happiness, and confusion. My friend Gisele summed it all up very succinctly – “Oh my. Wow. Holy sh*t. Jeekers. WTF? Yikes. Cool.” All of those thoughts were running through my head at about 1,000 miles a minute!
I discovered the night before, in speaking with Sean that not only do I have a brother and a horde of cousins, but I also have a sister-in-law (Mary) and a niece (Kayla). I received messages from both Mary and Kayla on Sunday. Mary was very sweet, acknowledging that she was sure that I was overwhelmed and welcoming me to the family. Kayla’s message was great, she talked about how excited she was to have another aunt, and then gave me the play-by-play on what took place at their house the night before as well as some detail on what she likes, what’s important to her, and what she does for fun – she’s a sweetheart!
Feeling more than a little off kilter, I called my cousins (Butch & Mike), who I have always thought of as my brothers (and still do). That was such a good decision; they helped me put things into perspective. When I was talking to Butch I mentioned that I was worried that I might not like this new family, or worse yet, they might not like me. He told me “don’t worry about it Mikki, they’re family, you don’t have to like each other.” Oddly enough, Mike has a friend who has had a similar experience a few months ago.
Friday, January 22, 2010
I didn't know that I was lost...
My name is Michaela and I didn't know that I was lost. Now you need a little background for this story to make sense. My mother and father got divorced when I was around 9 or 10 and my father died when I was 12. I knew, in that way that a 12-year would know, that my father’s second wife was pregnant when he died. However knowing something like that, as a 12 year old, is very similar to knowing that there is a Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny.
On Tuesday, January 12th my friend JS's mom died. JS was out of the country and the remainder of the week was filled with waiting for her to arrive back in the U.S., picking her up at the airport, doing whatever I could to provide support, finally culminating in her mom's funeral on Saturday morning. I took a nap when I got home from the funeral and when I woke up from that nap, everything changed.
My mom called and the conversation went something like this:
Mom: "Hi honey, you're going to get a call from your Uncle R"
Me: "Ummmm, who's Uncle R, Ma?"
Mom: "Your father's younger brother."
Me: "Seriously Ma, you're kidding?"
Mom: "Nope, after your Dad died, your Uncle R lost touch with us and has spent the last 35 years or so looking for you."
My Uncle R, after years of searching finally tracked down the address where I grew up and sent me a letter... the letter made it's way to my Mom, who, after not being able to get a hold of me right away, opened the letter (she apologized, hoping I wouldn’t be annoyed with her for opening my mail :-).
Essentially, the letter said:
My name is RLT and I had a brother DET. In 1952 he married a woman named LLG and they had a daughter in 1962. Her name is Michaela. I have spent the last 35 years trying to find her and if you are she please contact me.
Mom put down the letter and called him and then she called me. After we talked about how remarkable this was, I asked her if she knew when he would call. She wasn't sure and since I have very little patience, I asked for his number.
I took a deep breath and dialed his number. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Hello, may I please speak with R?
Uncle R: This is R.
Me: Hi R, this is Michaela
Now keep in mind my entire family calls me Mikki - no one else, just my family.
Uncle R: Mikki, is that really you?
Me: Yes it is...
Uncle R: Oh honey, I've been looking for you so long. You were on my bucket list and I wasn't leaving this earth until I found you.
Things got a little emotional after that... once we recovered and regained our wits, we chatted for a while. Uncle R told me about my passel of cousins (that I didn't know I had), the search, and finally that 19 years ago he had also found my brother, S! Once again, there was more emotion and wit gathering. He told me a little bit about S and then I asked him if he had an email address... wondering if he might like to see some pictures. The answer to both of my questions was yes.
Once we hung up, I had my husband D take a couple of pictures and I sent Uncle R photos from the last 14 years of my life (from my wedding day in 1996 to the pictures that D had just taken). I told him to feel free to send the photos and my contact information to S. We emailed back and forth and he told me that he had spoken with S and that he would be calling me.
The phone rang a little while later. I answered the phone and heard my brother's voice for the first time. We were on the phone for over an hour that night. It's funny, we had never spoken before but it was such an easy and natural conversation. Even better, S sounds like a really nice guy! I’m looking forward to meeting him.
I plan to use this blog to chronicle how this story unfolds.
On Tuesday, January 12th my friend JS's mom died. JS was out of the country and the remainder of the week was filled with waiting for her to arrive back in the U.S., picking her up at the airport, doing whatever I could to provide support, finally culminating in her mom's funeral on Saturday morning. I took a nap when I got home from the funeral and when I woke up from that nap, everything changed.
My mom called and the conversation went something like this:
Mom: "Hi honey, you're going to get a call from your Uncle R"
Me: "Ummmm, who's Uncle R, Ma?"
Mom: "Your father's younger brother."
Me: "Seriously Ma, you're kidding?"
Mom: "Nope, after your Dad died, your Uncle R lost touch with us and has spent the last 35 years or so looking for you."
My Uncle R, after years of searching finally tracked down the address where I grew up and sent me a letter... the letter made it's way to my Mom, who, after not being able to get a hold of me right away, opened the letter (she apologized, hoping I wouldn’t be annoyed with her for opening my mail :-).
Essentially, the letter said:
My name is RLT and I had a brother DET. In 1952 he married a woman named LLG and they had a daughter in 1962. Her name is Michaela. I have spent the last 35 years trying to find her and if you are she please contact me.
Mom put down the letter and called him and then she called me. After we talked about how remarkable this was, I asked her if she knew when he would call. She wasn't sure and since I have very little patience, I asked for his number.
I took a deep breath and dialed his number. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Hello, may I please speak with R?
Uncle R: This is R.
Me: Hi R, this is Michaela
Now keep in mind my entire family calls me Mikki - no one else, just my family.
Uncle R: Mikki, is that really you?
Me: Yes it is...
Uncle R: Oh honey, I've been looking for you so long. You were on my bucket list and I wasn't leaving this earth until I found you.
Things got a little emotional after that... once we recovered and regained our wits, we chatted for a while. Uncle R told me about my passel of cousins (that I didn't know I had), the search, and finally that 19 years ago he had also found my brother, S! Once again, there was more emotion and wit gathering. He told me a little bit about S and then I asked him if he had an email address... wondering if he might like to see some pictures. The answer to both of my questions was yes.
Once we hung up, I had my husband D take a couple of pictures and I sent Uncle R photos from the last 14 years of my life (from my wedding day in 1996 to the pictures that D had just taken). I told him to feel free to send the photos and my contact information to S. We emailed back and forth and he told me that he had spoken with S and that he would be calling me.
The phone rang a little while later. I answered the phone and heard my brother's voice for the first time. We were on the phone for over an hour that night. It's funny, we had never spoken before but it was such an easy and natural conversation. Even better, S sounds like a really nice guy! I’m looking forward to meeting him.
I plan to use this blog to chronicle how this story unfolds.
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