Thoughts from my brother...

I must start this off with saying, the things that you do for family. I am 35yrs. old and have fought, (kicking and screaming), the technology highway and/or the world wide web. I do not have a Facebook or a Myspace page, I do not blog or IM, and that is the reason that Mikki has to post this for me as I would not know where to begin.

As you all have learned my new sister and I have just met after 35 years. There is no way of telling this story without getting emotional, and therefore if I ramble then it is probably an emotional part for me.

So bear with me.

I was raised in a family of six (two sisters and four brothers) with three different last names. We always liked to call ourselves the All American Family. My mother married Don who was previously married to Mikki’s mother. In February 1974, Don passed away from a cerebral hemorrhage in Union City, Pa. My mother was left with three children to support and was pregnant with me. In August 1974 she gave birth to me, and two long, hard years later she met and married a wonderful man John whom I have been blessed to call Dad.


Since I was old enough to remember my mother and father never denied me the knowledge that I had another father who died, and another sister. Due to this I grew up with a piece missing that I could never find, or for that matter even understand what it was I was missing. My Mother and Don’s side of the family did not stay in touch for whatever reason and I only knew that I had a sister, an Uncle, and an Aunt out there and their names.

When I was 16 years old our Uncle Rick located and contacted me. For you all on the outside looking in some of the feelings and emotions that Mikki is writing about may seem mean, shallow, or withdrawn. But let me assure you that these are the same feelings and emotions that I felt some 19 years ago.


Like the saying goes “Don’t judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes”. Since we made contact I have had an immense sense of understanding and serenity. (Maybe this is what I was missing?)

After Uncle Rick found me we spent a lot of time together with me traveling to his house and the occasional telephone conversation. I was able to meet my paternal grandmother and step-grandmother during these visits. During my lifetime I can remember writing to the Phil Donahue Show, Geraldo Rivera, Jerry Springer (before he glamorized trash) and several other television programs asking for help in finding Mikki, none of which were ever answered. I believed that I had Mikki’s name and date of birth however now I know I was wrong on the middle name and the year in which she was born.

This past year I conducted a self-assessment of myself and my life. I questioned and did an inventory of myself. I looked at what kind of person I was and what kind of person I wanted to be. I looked at the way that I dealt with things and how I could make myself a better person. One of the things that kept coming to mind was the serenity prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Several things in my life came to mind, one of which was the search for Mikki. Now this is going to sound harsh or mean but remember what I said in the beginning about missing a piece of myself.


I came to the conclusion during this self-assessment that I had devoted a lot of time, energy, and emotions to the search for Mikki. It was something that I had the courage to try and change. I thought that it was a lost cause and that I could focus that energy and time on something else. During this self-assessment, when I made this decision, I obtained a sense of serenity in accepting it as something that I could not change.

I think this came from a fortune cookie “When you look for something you will not find it. Stop looking and it will reveal itself”.

Well that is what happened.

I sent Uncle Rick a link to a new television show where a guy tracks down loved ones as well as several search engines on the internet (*YUCK*) in November or December 2009. On January 16, 2010 I received a call from Uncle Rick who simply said “I found her. I found Mikki.” And due to the emotion in his voice I was not sure in what sense he had found her. Is she alive? Is she alright? How did she take you contacting her? Did you contact her? How did you contact her? The emotions and questions overwhelmed me like a tidal wave. I quickly gathered myself and asked how and where. He explained to me how and that she was living in Mass. and gave me her contact information.

As Mikki has already said my lovely daughter Kayla gave her a replay of exactly how the whole evening played out, but let me give you my version of the story. After I got Mikki’s contact information (i.e. e-mail, phone number) and hung up from speaking to Uncle Rick I told both my wife and daughter what he had just told me. I then excused myself and went into my office and sat. I laughed, I cried, I felt nervous, I felt anxious and a thousand other feelings that I can’t explain. I sat for probably 30-45 minutes mulling over the information that I had waited my entire life for, but was not ready to deal with. Mikki explained that she had a thought of not wanting anything to do with this whole situation and to be honest I felt that way as well; for about three seconds.

The next thing I had to deal with was should I call or e-mail. Now remember what I said about fighting the technology highway. I realize now that I was looking at it as a way out, a way out of being possibly rejected, a way out of being hurt by someone that I didn’t even know. Being the person that I am, I “manned-up” and decided that I would call her. But now I was left thinking once I get her on the phone what in the he&! would I say. It was like calling a girl for the first time to ask her out. Was I a 12-year-old boy or a 35-year-old man? I had to “man-up” again, and I called.

I would be lying to say that it wasn’t awkward because it was. But not like you’d think. For some reason (that sense of serenity that I spoke of earlier) we meshed (can’t think of a better word). The conversation flowed. I can’t remember any occasion of awkward silence that we humans hate occurring. We continually talked for about an hour.

Since that evening I have spent more time on the computer looking for (and receiving) e-mails from Mikki. Laughing and learning about each other, trading tid-bits of information about ourselves, learning that we are alike in a lot of ways. The trading of information was my lovely wife’s idea (brownie points).

Blood is a very unique thing that provides life, we know that, but it also contains things that we do not and cannot understand. Mikki and I have never been around each other but we are a lot alike in mannerisms, thought processing, likes and dislikes. It is truly amazing how much we are alike and I look forward to learning more about this amazing person I am proud to call my sister as we take this journey together.

I can’t wait to learn about her as a little girl growing up, how she and Dave met, her profession, and anything else she is willing to share with me. I can’t wait to share my life and family with her as well.

I would like to close this by saying to all of you, thank you for all of your support and comments for Mikki. She is and will be riding a lot of emotional roller coasters throughout this journey. She will be meeting people that at any other time would have been strangers but are now family. She will be sharing thoughts and feelings concerning this journey so please remember to walk a mile in her shoes.

Mo mhuintir thar gach uile ní

Family above all else